“The Journey of an Anxious Artist”
Why is it important that I’m anxious? Well, because that’s what started this whole journey…my anxiety.
Why will it become important that I’m an artist? Weeellll….because people don’t look as artists as “normal”. This becomes a big part of the story as well.
When I started to open up about my anxiety story so many people said “me too”, but it goes deeper than just anxiety for a lot of people. Therefore, I felt compelled to open up about my journey in order to let others know they’re not alone and maybe even recognize certain similarities that you might want to explore further.
Why speak now?
Well, because my sense of normalcy truly has been taken away from me. I’ve lost jobs. Opportunities. Connection with friends & family. Finances are in the hole. Personal relationships hanging by a thread. I lost sway on everything I thought I was or should be….the boxes I was trying to check….the paths I thought I should take. I didn’t know where any of this was coming from. I didn’t even know where I was! I just followed a path that was carved out for me and it left me with nothing of my own. Little did I know, that was EXACTLY what I needed.
I didn’t lose everything. I still have my voice, my truth, and my journey.
So, here is where we start, you know....right where we are! I was diagnosed with anxiety in 2015. A few months later depression was added to the list. I started feeling my anxiety nonstop while living in New York and eventually fell into depression.
In March of 2018, right before I officially left New York, I was diagnosed with panic disorder. Following my departure I stopped in Atlanta a few months and BOOM! I’m admitted to the hospital for suicidal thoughts. I came to LA feeling a lot better yet I still wasn’t able to make it to 100%. This brought me to my most current diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder II.
Soooo I’m not the anxious artist I’m the bipolar artist!! 🤣🤣🤷🏽♀️ Go figure. When I first got my diagnosis I felt such relief. I felt liberated because there was an answer to all of this! In turn, this discovery inspired me even more to tell my story!
Maybe I needed everything stripped away from me in order to grow. I couldn’t do it alone so the universe just took everything away from me, but remember, not everything. I needed this to grow. I needed to be left with nothing in order to rebuild a healthy, happy, balanced life.
The journey of mental illness is not easy, but through this I’ve learned that I’m one of the strongest people I know! You probably are too....you know, one of those people.....if any of this resonates with you and you’re still here…….YOU ARE ONE OF THE STRONGEST PEOPLE YOU KNOW!!
I did not choose to have a mental illness, but it’s now forever part of my package. If part of this is your story know that you did not create this on your own. Yet, whatever you have is yours alone. So do your absolute best with it!
In order to learn the truth about yourself it takes courage, transparency, and will. You have to be willing to investigate the good and not so good parts of yourself. Ask questions about why you react to different scenarios in certain ways. Get curious enough about yourself to expose behaviors that have become normal, but may also be holding you back from your full self. Spend time learning the person you are so you can eventually introduce them to who you will become!